Interview 2: A Mother’s Dream with Emiola Taiwo
In November 2023, I booked a flight to Chicago to meet my niece for the first time. While there I couldn’t miss out on the opportunity to make my big sister the second person I interviewed for this project. We laughed, we cried and we reminisced. Meeting my niece and hearing my sister talk about her experience of being a mother felt so surreal, we were just kids seconds ago, and now she’s the mother of an almost two-year-old.
This interview has been long overdue, so here is my second interview recorded on November 21st with my older sister, Emiola Taiwo.
Yossy: So the first question I have is, if you had to introduce yourself to a stranger who would you say you are?
Emiola: For the most part I say my name, then maybe career comes up, marital status, you know that I have a husband. Also, we live in the city, and I have a very energetic 16-month-old.
Yossy: Did you know you always wanted to be a mother? I feel like, I already know the answer knowing you well.
Emiola: It’s a funny thing, where I feel that you guys always saw me as a mum and I call you my firstborn, I’ve always been around kids, always babysitting the cousins during summer. Even when I moved to America, I used to babysit the kids at church, I’ve mentored and have always had a passion for kids. I’ve always said I want kids and a big family but I don’t think I ever really sat and envisioned myself as a mum. Which, I feel you will find surprising because I have always been the mum to you and maybe that’s why, maybe it’s because it has just been natural for me having been the oldest sister.
Yossy: How has motherhood been treating you?
Emiola: Mmm, motherhood has been good, it has been hard, it has been rewarding, it has been frustrating. I feel like this journey has stretched me. There’s the you that you thought you were and the you that you didn’t even know that you were, that motherhood brings out. It has been motherhood in different stages from when she was first born till now, it has been multiple seasons. Even in each of those seasons, on the same day, you feel multiple emotions. You can go from “Oh my baby she is so cute, she’s so smart” and then ten minutes later you’re like “Why are you doing that?” Haha.
It is all of the emotions, all of the learning, all of the everything. It has taught me to be on my toes, not take things too seriously, forgive quickly, constantly learn, and love even deeper. I’m a lover, I love deep and man…motherhood? There’s this different love. You’re just looking like wow I gave birth to her? I find myself staring at her. I feel like I’m tired every day and then the next day God gives me what I need to get back up, that’s been motherhood, every day is different.
Yossy: What would you say your biggest lesson has been so far?
Emiola: The weight of what is in front of me. Every day and moment when I’m interacting with her, there is this reminder to be intentional with how I’m raising her. My impact on her is going to be long-lasting, I say to my husband I know we are going to make mistakes because we are human but my prayer is that the mistakes that we make, aren’t things that she has to heal from. I am constantly realising that what I’m saying and how I react is being picked up. Even when she does things that are frustrating how do I redirect her, where I’m not fighting fire with fire? Because kids are going to do what they want to do and you’ve met Temi, she is, going to do what she, wants to do!
Yossy: Oh my gosh Temi and the word no? She exercises her right to say no haha!
Emiola: And I love that for her right, she is a black girl in America and we’ve had these conversations. I’m big on wanting her to be confident, I want her to make her presence known, claim her space, and not be looked over. This is such a critical moment and opportunity, yes she is my daughter but she is also another human being in this world and eventually, she is going to find her path and forge her way but there is a foundation that we hope to get right for her.
Yossy: Are there things you would say shaped you as a mother or affected how you brought up Temi? For example, moving to Chicago at a young age technically but not technically alone?
Emiola: Definitely, some of my approach to her is inspired by my mum, the aunties, and grandma. I grew up with my mum in London, then at secondary school age went to Nigeria, and then came to Chicago at 16, I didn’t get that typical living at home with my parents until adulthood experience. There was an independence I was forced to have, good and bad. Then when I moved to Chicago, I built a community who became parents to me so I gained a group of mums here who jumped in hardcore to help me as I was there without my mum or you guys.
So when it comes to raising Temi I think that has shaped me, for example, I don’t need too many opinions and not in a bad way, I’m very decisive and I know what my plan of action and what my goals are. Childhood too, I grew up quickly, there were things I had to think about or do much quicker than a child should. So now raising Temi, there’s a protecting of her childhood.
My childhood in London? I loved it, I feel like my mum protected me from a lot of things that were going on around me. She did the best she could with what she had, there were times I had to spend time at y’alls house to help protect that childhood for me. Then there were times when she was real, she would tell me this is what is going on and I think for Temi, I want her to have a carefree life, not irresponsible just happy. No worries, black girl luxury, loved and light. The world is already so heavy and I don’t want her to be thinking about so much at a young age.
I don’t like that I’m away from you guys in London, I remember when I was moving, there was a moment where Sade and I had where we were like wow you’re going to be in America, we’re all going to be here in London, our kids are not going to grow up with each other, I’m getting emotional again haha. Our kids will not be as close as we are, I feel like that’s been a difference from how I was raised. All the cousins, we don’t say cousins we say sisters because that’s how close we are, if anyone would call you guys my cousins I would get so irritated. So raising Temi, I want to make sure that as crazy busy as life is she is getting that time to Facetime you guys and be on the phone, having that close connection to family is something I want to raise her with.
Yossy: Do you think you took any lessons from how your mum raised you? Which I guess touches on your previous points.
Emiola: In some way, we become our parents, the good and the bad. My mum is someone who loves deep, she sacrificed a lot for me and still does. She loves her granddaughter, she loves me, she loves my husband and so that is something I have learned from her. Growing up we weren’t the richest but I did not know that, I thought we had moneeey, but no we didn’t. Not that we were dirt poor or anything, but we weren’t as well off as I thought we were because she did everything she needed to do to make sure I had everything I needed and more.
Moments when growing up it was just my mum, it was mostly only her. We went to one of the most expensive schools in Nigeria and she was the reason I went, for me as a mum there is this sacrificing and prioritising of Temi. I remember growing up all of the school functions, it was always my mum or my friend’s mum volunteering, she was so involved. There’s a want to advocate for my child just like my mum, at Temi’s daycare they know that I am an involved parent.
There were moments I had to tell my mum you aren’t God, in the sense that she can’t protect me from and control everything. This is something I’m learning with Temi I can only do what I can, at the end of the day, God is the one who gave her to us and is in control.
Yossy: What would your one piece of advice be to younger mums or mums-to-be?
Emiola: Find your tribe, motherhood is hard. Motherhood has the glories, the fun, and the rewards yet it can feel lonely and frustrating. A friend came over and said “You have so many people around you” and because of that, it can be easy to assume I’m good. But one of the things I was sharing with her was that everyone has their own life. When you intentionally do life with your tribe even amid struggle and busyness, you have already cultivated that. So in the season of motherhood, sometimes I feel like I have a lot around me, yet it can feel isolating.
Especially with you guys being in the UK, you don’t know how important that banter is, having that moment to release and take breaks. You need a tribe that will encourage you, love on you and your child like they are their own, and let you know you’re not going crazy. A tribe where you can be yourself and where there is no judgment.
Yossy: Lastly, the title of this project is called A Mother’s Dream, what would you say your dream is for Temi?
Emiola: My first response is for her to be able to dream, challenges will come right? However, I want her to have the space to breathe and dream. In her young years, I want her to be a child and not stress over adult problems, even into her adulthood, when it comes to having desires and goals, I want her to know that the sky is the limit. You want it, you go after it. For many, life weighs them down and the idea of dreaming feels like a privilege versus the norm because of the reality in front of them.
In loving memory of my dear Aunty Bisi.
